Love and The Family

As women, we talk about love a lot! In particular, love is something that women want and desire and something that is very important to us. I daresay that God has blessed women with the great gift of giving and showing love in incredible and sacrificial ways. 

One of the deepest and most sincere kinds of love is the one shown to a child by his / her mother – the feeling of love towards one’s child is often indescribable.

Also, it is always interesting to observe a woman in love – it is a beautiful sight to behold. She’s willing to bend over backwards (twice) for the man who is fortunate to be on the receiving end of that love.

Furthermore, they say a woman’s loyalty, sense of duty and love for her biological family is deep. Even after marriage, a woman would sacrifice a lot for her parents, siblings and loved ones. Women are built to be passionate and are wellsprings of love. It’s a special honour.

As Christians, love goes beyond a feeling, it’s both that and a commandment. God tells us in many portions of scripture to love – in fact the greatest commandments as confirmed by Jesus Christ are to love God completely, to love ourselves and to love our neighbour(s) as ourselves (Mark 12:28-34). The bible says love is the fulfilment of the scripture (Romans 13:10b) – it is so essential.

We have discussed love a number of times on LMPS and I’m sure that in our various churches, meetings and gatherings, we have learnt about the essence of love however, for many it’s still a struggle in some areas.

This could be:

1.       Showing love to someone who doesn't deserve your love

2.       Showing love to total strangers

3.       The inability to express love properly

4.       Showing love through forgiveness

5.       Showing love to people who are close to us, especially our family members.

I’m sure you didn't expect to see no 5 on the list. Our family members should be the easiest people to show love to – husbands, parents, children and siblings! However, many times, we show love to others but forget to show love to our nearest and dearest. This could be because we are not used to it or we do not know how to express ourselves properly. Other times, it could be that they have hurt us deeply, so many times and in many ways that it becomes difficult to love. For some, we do it well enough but we all know that in life, there’s always room and opportunities for improvement.

This month, we want to explore loving our family members as Christian ladies. To do this, we will be using one of the best expansions of love as detailed in 1Corinthians chapter 13. We will see what love really is and how best to show love. 

This topic is so important to us as Christians because the bible states that “God is love” (1 John 4:8b).. and “anyone who loves is born of God” (1John 4:7) .. . Also, the bible says how can we claim to love God whom we do not see when we do not love human beings that we see (paraphrased) (1John 4:20). May we also add that how can we claim to love our neighbours when we do not love our own family members. Charity they say begins at home..

So ladies, let’s explore!

1 Corinthians 13: 1 – 3 - You may have everything going on for you and may have the best gifts and talents but all of this is empty without love – What a great introduction! Consider these ladies, everything you have in terms of personal qualities, attributes and possessions pale in significance to you showing love. You may have an orphanage, give to the poor, volunteer in various charity projects, celebrate your birthday with orphans, counsel widows, give a fantastic offering each Sunday or give the biggest building fund donation, be an ordained Minister, be a prayer warrior or a worship leader but if you don’t know how to love, it’s absolutely NOTHING.

So what is love?

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8

LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND IS KIND

Love requires that we are patient with our loved ones. Even when they ask you the same thing over and over again or delay you on occasion, love places a demand on us to deal with them patiently (and with a smile).  Older people are often lonely and need to talk to someone, be that listening ear to your aging parents. Be patient wit with your husband, be patient with your children, exercise patience and kindness with your siblings. Also, learn to spend quality time with them despite and irrespective of your busy schedule. That’s love.

LOVE DOES NOT ENVY

Envy is something that a lot of us are loath to admit that we experience but the truth is that sometimes we do and it could creep up on us. We see a lot of sibling rivalry of which its foundation is envy. Joseph’s brothers were envious of him and because of that they did a terrible thing to him and put their father through so much heart ache for many years (Genesis 37). There are spouses who are envious of how far the other party is going in their career or relationship with the children. So, rather than support them as an indestructible team working together that they should be, they tear down and berate their dreams and aspirations. God can give us the grace to overcome envy and show love instead. Learn to celebrate your family, build them up with encouraging words and watch God make a way for you. That’s love.

LOVE DOE NOT PARADE ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP, DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY

Pride is an anti-thesis of love. The bible says that pride goes before destruction (Proverbs 16:18). Pride in families is a destroyer of homes and destinies. Pride will find it difficult to say sorry, pride always makes excuses for its mistakes and never takes responsibility when it’s wrong. With pride, it’s always the other person’s fault because it knows it all. How easily do we find the act of apologising when we have done wrong? Do you say the words “I’m sorry” to your husband? To your children even though they are younger than you? To your parents? To your siblings? Usually, we are happy to just let it slide or ‘show’ that we are wrong but you and I know that words are powerful. It would surprise you to see what these words are capable of doing “You were right, I am sorry”. Make it a habit to apologise. And if you hate apologising, you can help yourself by reducing the amount of time you offend *smiles* ..

In addition, it’s very important to know how to speak and communicate politely to our loved ones. Sometimes we are more courteous to outsiders than to our family members and we could address them rudely. Check yourself, do you say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘well done’ easily to your loved ones? Do you raise your voice often when addressing them? Are you often sarcastic? Be polite, show consideration, and use positive affirming words to address them. That’s love

LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN

Love is considerate. Sometimes, a lot of arguments and upset in homes could be avoided if only we take a moment to think about the effect our actions will have on the other person. It could be as simple as “If I ate this last slice of bread, when X comes back home tired and hungry how would they feel?”. “If I say this or act like that, how would you feel?”.. Love is unselfish and seeks to look after other people. It’s not always “me first” but love is much bigger than that. Love thinks about how to make the life of his family member better, more comfortable.. That’s love.

LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED, THINKS NO EVIL; DOES NOT REJOICE IN INQUITY BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH

There’s nothing like “I have a short-temper” with love. Of course, offense will come, your family are the ones who will probably tempt you to losing it the most. But when you love, you try as much as possible to ‘flee’ from a possibly volatile situation. This is not to say that you should avoid confrontation as sometimes it is necessary and unavoidable but learn how to discern when a situation is getting out of control and ask God for the grace to walk away. Be more tolerant of your family members.

Also, be there to celebrate with them as much as possible. Celebrate successes, celebrate achievements. Don’t buy congratulatory cards and gifts for friends and colleagues alone, extend it to your family members. Also, be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen when things are not going so well. That’s love.

LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS, BELIEVES ALL THINGS, HOPES ALL THINGS, ENDURES ALL THINGS

Be willing to carry the weight with your family. In addition, let them know for certain that you are willing to do it! Also, trust is very important in love. One thing that is important to understand is that love thrives on trust. Give them the benefit of doubt ALWAYS.. Even after they have failed, do so – and let your words and actions match your stance. Let your husband know and feel that you trust him, let your children understand that “mummy has such strong faith in me”, let your family know that you are their no 1 fan and let your actions reflect that fact. That’s love

LOVE NEVER FAILS

And finally, please don’t ever forget that when you have and show love, it will never fail! It has the powers of healing broken hearts, restoring broken relationships and building strong homes. Love is essential and God loves love.

We pray that from now on, God will give us all the grace to love deeply and in His own way. We pray that as we sow love into our homes and relationships, we will begin to see transformations and glorify God!